Finnally Got My Shit Together Funny

I have been running this blog for over four years now. I started it on the day I stopped drinking alcohol. But that day wasn't the start of my self-improvement joruney. I am often asked where it all started, and how I got my shit together, so I thought I'd share it in one easily digestible blog. Of course, this is quite reductive. The path to change isn't linear, but it's a rough plot of how I ended up where I am today.

In 2014 I was 23 (baby!) and I had a job at a PR agency in London. I thought it was my DREAM job. I was working with beauty brands every day; we had a mega sample cupboard, would take journalists for (expensed) swanky breakfasts at places I could never afford on my teeny salary, and we had a free bar on Thursday and Fridays 5.30-8.30pm. When I say free bar, I don't mean a drinks trolley that came around giving out a couple of beers. The top floor of the offices I worked in was an actual bar for employees complete with a roof terrace. Nobody in the agency was earning much money – unless you were an Account Director or higher – so we all used the free bar to try and bury the stress of the week and get smashed for free.

As many of these stories go, it all looked so good from the outside but the reality was very different.

2014 was the first year I realised I had anxiety. I remember one Monday morning on the way to work I couldn't breathe – I thought I was having a heart attack, it was (of course) a panic attack. I went to the walk-in centre and the doctor prescribed me with diazepam and told me to take it easy. I didn't know how to take it easy; I was one of the most junior members of the team. I HAD to do a good job. And there was no way of getting all my tasks without working from 7am until 9 or 10pm most nights. This panic attack was the first of many, over the course of three months I went from a fun-loving 23-year-old to an anxious mess who couldn't leave the house most days. Eventually I rang my parents, told them what was going on and my dad drove all the way to London to pick me up (thanks Dad). I spent two months signed off sick from work trying to get better, got a new job and forgot all about it.

New job, new me I thought.

For a while all of the issues I had with anxiety and drinking to overcome them disappeared.

In 2015, I got REALLY into self-help, coined myself Laurie 2.0 and started actioning what I was reading. The first self-help book I ever read was The Miracle Morning by Hal Elmrod, for about a year I got up at 5am every day to follow his suggested routine. It was a nightmare with a hangover, but it gave me some space before work to focus on myself and my goals. I read a lot of books that year, nearly all borrowed from Hackney Library, and of course some of the advice was helpful and some was not. BUT a lot of self-development shares the same message of personal responsibility so I learnt the importance of taking 100% responsibility for my life. I stopped blaming my circumstances or other people for where I was at.

The year I really tried to stop drinking was 2016. I spent the whole year trying. On, off, on, off, on for a while, and then finally off. In December 2016 it stuck. All of the self-development stuff I was doing, along with some personal circumstances, revealed how much I needed to stop drinking if I ever wanted to get out of the emotional, financial and mental mess I was in. When I was drinking, it was one step forward, two steps back.

When I got sober, it became one step forward and then another step forward.

Tiny steps, but nearly always moving forward.

In 2017, I started my yoga teacher training and I properly committed to therapy. I had had therapy before but I wasn't very good at being honest. I remember a therapist once telling me I didn't have a problem with drinking, which illustrated to me how much I had been hiding. In 2017 I found a therapist I trusted and we clicked. Finding a therapist to work with can take a while, and it did for me. Especially as I needed to work with a low-cost therapist due to my financial situation. It was worth keeping searching for the right fit though, B helped me do so much exploratory work and really started my healing journey. In August 2017, I left my London job and moved back to Norfolk to be a yoga teacher. But I kept seeing B even after I left London, I'd get the train in to see her twice a month.

Debt kept me stuck for a while. I owned up to my financial situation in 2016. And in 2018, I got out of debt. Hopefully forever. I didn't have HUGE debts, and I didn't have children or dependents who were relying on me so my journey out of debt was easier than for some. But I owed about £6k from drinking too much, living beyond my means and putting it all on my credit card. It was enough to scare me shitless. When I moved back to Norfolk my cost of living went down and my earnings went up a little bit. By late 2018, I was at £0. Since then I bought a house, and moved overseas – but getting out of debt was the biggest step forward to help me towards those goals.

2018 was the year I started properly committing to what I wanted from life.

It was in this year I decided I wanted to buy a house and properly settle (lol – life had other plans). I went back to my self-development roots and started properly working with coaches. I worked with Chloe Brotheridge and Stephanie Chivers – both helped me to figure things out, dream big whilst managing my anxiety. I have found coaching so valuable I trained to be a life coach and now help other women overcome low self-esteem, get unstuck and figure out their next steps towards a life they love.

I moved to Cambodia in late 2019. I didn't intend to stay here so long, but COVID happened and it felt safer to stay put.

There is lots of overlap in all of this, and I can't put everything that happened over the last five-years into an easily digestible 1000 words. I suppose these are the highlights. (Here are my reflections at four years sober.) I could write the 1000 words over with all the bad stuff that has happened, but I'm not sure that would do either of us any good.

At the very start of my journey, I read the following quote which is often attributed to Bill Gates:

 "Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years."

Of all the clichéd, generic quotes I see every day – this is the one that rings most true to me. Each year feels heavy and hard, but when I look back at the last half a decade, I can see the progress that has come by choosing myself – and choosing not to drink – every day.

I have reached another crossroads recently, one that I am not quite ready to write about yet. But it has made me pause for thought about what I want, and what's next. I've been spending a lot of time thinking – and sometimes journaling – on what I want to have more of, what I want to let go and who I want to become.

These journal/thinking prompts have helped me, I share them here in case they are helpful for you too:

• How do I feel right now?
• Am I holding on to something I need to let go of?
• Am I living true to yourself?
• Are there any negative habits I need to stop? What are they? What's the plan?
• What positive habits do I want to cultivate?
• How do I want to feel? What are the steps do I need to take to get there?

Everyone's journey looks different. Where are you at in yours? What's next for you?

Lots of love

Laurie xxx

Looking to get your shit together? I work with women move away from self-doubt, anxiety and low self-esteem so that they can step into lives that they love. Learn more about working with me and book in for a free 20-minute chemistry call today.

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Source: https://girlandtonic.co.uk/how-i-got-my-shit-together/

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